I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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