hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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