How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize