Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
