i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
