Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
