I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
