This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize