A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
