There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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