I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
