Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
