I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
