i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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