Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone came in the potted fern
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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