Non-Jews are for practice
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
