Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
