worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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