Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
