my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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