Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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