Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
