When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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