babies were throwing up all over the place
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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