so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
