she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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