apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
