so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
