you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
