dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize