someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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