nut hugger
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
