I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
