Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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