Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
