bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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