Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
