wrigley field is MILF paradise
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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