Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it because I queefed?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
