so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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