I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
