I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
