If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
