trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
