You're so nebulous sometimes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up under a house in Key West
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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