Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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