The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
