Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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