whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
