He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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