Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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