a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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