Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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