i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
