So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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