He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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