I'd wear matching sweaters with you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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