Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
