Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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