if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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