Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
