rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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