Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
