I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
