I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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