I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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