I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
