you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
