I puked a lego.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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