there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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