I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
