I love black thongs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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