I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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