I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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