All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
