Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
