I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
