By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
