hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize