Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
