wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize