So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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