I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
