So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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