So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
